My Least Favorite Question

"What's your ethnic/racial background?"

Apparently I'm a person whose national origin(s) cannot be divined at first glance (which, by the way, is actually most, if not all of us).  Using several well-honed techniques, I almost always manage to avoid answering this question. 

Let me tell you why I dread it.

First of all, it's just a more polite version of "What ARE you?" which has mercifully fallen out of favor.  The problem is, people seem to have misunderstood that it wasn't the wording that made this question rude (although the wording does make it even more insulting) but the question itself.  

Second, if you’re asking, it means that for some reason it matters or that you care.  And it could be for the wrong reasons.  I have to consider the remote possibility that you are not asking in good faith.  I don't know; I just met you.  Even after giving someone the benefit of the doubt, everyone has unconscious biases. 

So it always makes me wonder, why DO you care? What difference does it make? Do you need to know to be my friend? To sit next to me at this dinner? If the answer is no, then why are you asking? 

Because it always feels like what people are really saying to me is, "Please tell me what ethnicity and race you are so I can apply all my pre-conceived notions and relevant stereotypes to you." 

Third, I’d be more willing to believe that someone's interest was solely in ancestry/genealogy if I wasn’t ALWAYS the ONLY person asked this at the table.  Why is my narrative automatically more interesting or in need of explanation than the German-Irish guy to my left, or the Croatian-French woman on my right?  In over two decades I've never once seen anyone ask my white husband this question.

Look, I get that 23 And Me is a thing, and hey - I have some cousins I’d like to see get arrested too. I'll cop to the fact that I have no interest whatsoever in ancestry or genealogy. To me it's another hobby I don't care for, like bird watching or basketball. 

Fourth, it's not my job to educate you about my background and culture. 
On one side I have no acculturation or socialization at all, so I’m not qualified to school anyone.  It's just a meaningless piece of biological information, like my blood type.  
The other side requires a knowledge of 19th century history (is it my fault you don’t remember your 11th grade lessons?), which I never feel up to teaching.
Either way, it’s not the window into my soul that people seem to think it will be.

Also, people's stories may be complicated.  They may involve estrangement, violence, adoption, or other personal family stories or secrets that are just none of your business. 

I should also point out that I'm not talking about organic conversations where everyone is engaged and onboard. If you've had great talks with friends about their culture, that's terrific! Honestly - I'm not trying to take those away from you. But your positive experience does not in any way invalidate my negative ones.  

I'm talking about those asks where one POC (Person/People of Color) is solely posed said question.  And I'm not alone - a lot of non-white people I've spoken to are not fans of this question.  Of course, there are POC who have an interest in ancestry - that's how Alex Haley wrote Roots - and may love to discuss it with you. But if you're singling out POC for this question, it may be time to ask yourself why you care, how it matters, and what difference the answer makes to you.

Being aware that people may find the question rude, or not want to answer: why ask it at all and risk offending people?
And if you can't accept the fact that it's a loaded question that may make someone uncomfortable, even a friend, the problem is you, not them.

And my new answer to the question? I am colonialism personified. 
I AM America. 

Grand Moff Tarkin - An Appreciation

Who is so important even Vader listens to him? Grand Moff Tarkin, that's who.  His title might be adorable, but Tarkin calls the shots, and he ain't got time for Vader's parlor tricks.  Tywin Lannister could take lessons on keeping your allies in line from him.  Tarkin is a man as tired of asking you where the rebel base is as he is agnostic about your ancient Jedi religion. Fear is his dogma, and he knows just how to motivate you into giving him outdated and useless intel.  And that deal you thought you had with him? You're far too trusting, and Tarkin knows it.  We would've liked to have been his adversary longer, but he was gone with hubristic last words that rival General Sedgwick's famous "they couldn't hit an elephant at this distance." Imagine the Crimes Against the Galaxy trial had he lived - gavel to gavel coverage, that.  You're missed, Grand Moff Tarkin.

Vanilla Daisy!

Our new favorite cocktail!

1/4 cup Bourbon (we like Maker's Mark)
2 Tbl. fresh lemon juice
2 Tbl. vanilla syrup (recipe below)
1 tsp. grenadine

Mix the bourbon, lemon juice, and vanilla syrup in a cocktail shaker.  
Add 2 handfulls or so crushed ice and shake well.  
Pour into an old fashioned/lowball glass, then drizzle the grenadine through the drink.  
Top with a maraschino cherry if you're feeling fancy.

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Vanilla Syrup
1 cup sugar
1 cup water
1 Tbl. vanilla extract

Make as you would a regular simple syrup - mix in a small saucepan, heat until completely combined and sugar is no longer granular.  Cool.

Cranberry Mojitos

Continuing on with our #CranberryCocktails week and these Cranberry Mojitos were yummy!


CRANBERRY MOJITOS:
8 fresh cranberries
1/2 lime, chopped
1 Tbl. cranberry simple syrup (recipe below)
6 fresh mint leaves
1/4 cup spiced rum (I know white rum is traditional, but trust me)

Muddle the cranberries, lime, simple syrup and mint.  Add rum and a handful of ice.  Shake and pour into a small cocktail glass. Top off with some soda water/club soda if you like.

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Cranberry Simple Syrup:
1 cup fresh cranberries
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup water 
Combine cranberries, sugar and water in a saucepan.  Heat to bubbly; then simmer for 10 min. Pour the mixture through a mesh strainer to strain out the berries, then cool.

Cranberry Margaritas

We are having #CranberryCocktail week at Cocktail Test Lab!
Today's drink: Cranberry Margaritas

CRANBERRY MARGARITAS
1/4 cup tequilla (I like Reposado)
Juice of 1/2 lime
3 Tbl. Cointreau
1/3 cup cranberry juice

Combine the tequilla, lime juice, Cointreau and cranberry juice in a shaker.  Add a handful of ice; shake and pour into a margarita glass.

Enjoy!

Pumpkin Pie Martini!

Here's a little something for those nippy fall nights!

PUMPKIN PIE MARTINI
1/3 cup Vanilla Vodka
1/4 - 1/3 cup Pumpkin Schnapps*
1/3 cup Baileys Irish Cream
-splash- of Butterscotch schnapps

Place all the ingredients in a martini shaker, along with 2 handfulls of ice.  Shake well and strain into a martini glass.  Happy Autumn!

* I like the Hiram Walker Pumpkin Spice, which you can get at BevMo. But feel free to use a different brand.

D23 Expo v. Comic-Con!

We went to D23 Expo this weekend –Disney’s own version of Comic-Con.  Being a Comic-Con (and various other con) vet, I was surprised to learn that most of my best Comic-Con strategies were pretty useless, much to my chagrin, and I ended up with a new appreciation for Comic-Con, their programming, their staff and their structure. 

[This does not mean I won’t still complain when I have to get in line at 4:45AM for 2013 Comic-Con tickets.] 

Of course, Comic-Con has way, way more panels, programming, guests, exhibitors, events, and yes, attendees – but there is a certain egalitarian vibe to the whole affair.  I go into more detail below, but suffice it to say: at Comic-Con, time is the only currency you have.  At the D23 Expo, cash is king. D23 Expo could take a few notes from Comic-Con’s playbook:

1.      Don’t clear the room after panels. The conventions I’ve gone to have never forced everyone to clear the room after each panel and I’m not sure why D23 does.  It’s not Star Tours.  You don’t have to exit the ride when the panel is done. Clearing the room has a certain needless authoritarian vibe.  It also makes it virtually impossible to see panels back-to-back.  I personally would have loved to go to the “Once Upon A Time” presentation in room 23, but it was right before the “A Conversation with the Pixar Creative Team” panel, so I had to skip it.  I’m certain I wasn’t the only one.  I know people tend to “camp out” in conference rooms when they aren't cleared, but really, what’s the harm in that? If people are allowed to panel squat, Disney also wouldn’t need an additional room to pen us all in for hours on end.  Wouldn’t it have been better for me, from Disney’s perspective, to sit through additional sales pitches – I mean panel presentations – rather than sprawl out in a huge, overly air-conditioned room with 650 other people who had nothing else to do but complain about the D23 Expo on Twitter?

2.      Break Up the Big Studio Presentation into individual presentations. D23 has one large presentation that includes all the upcoming films from Walt Disney Studios, such as “Muppets,” “John Carter,” “The Avengers,” and “Brave.”  If Disney's not going to get rid of the 'clear the room after each panel’ rule, they should break up the giant Studio presentation so that each upcoming film has its own panel. Quite frankly, they should do this anyway. This would help whittle down the huge crush of people, would be more beneficial to their attendees in terms of scheduling and give Disney more panels/product to push.   The people who got into the “Inside the Walt Disney Studios” presentation, of whom virtually none were General Admission (more on that below) were in line by, I think, 8:30AM.  And the presentation went on until about 1:30 PM.  I don’t know if this included the time it took to give everyone’s phones back. (All these are guesstimates, since I was GA and didn’t get in.  But I’m here to help, not to hold a grudge.) My point is that 5 hours – which is a conservative estimate – is a long time to hold people’s attention, not to mention a long time to hold people, period. Stretching out the panels would also make it appear that there are more of them. Will that mean that less people will go to the “John Carter” panel? Maybe.  But maybe not if D23 were to follow the above tip and schedule it right before “The Avengers” panel.  Panel squatters are a captive audience too.

3.      We need to talk about the Stratification of your ticket levels.  I don’t think anyone from General Audience got into the Big Studio Presentation, regardless of how early they got in line.  Quite frankly, I should have paid the $35 for a D23 membership, and I’ll take the hit for that.  Had I known there was virtually NO CHANCE that I would get in without it, I most certainly would have forked over the money.  Most cons have some level of VIP passes/tickets.  But Disney has 3? Really, 3? Sorcerer’s Level tickets cost $1,000.  One thousand dollars?! Honestly, if they found people willing to pay $1,000, Disney should by all means take their money.  I don’t have any real solutions to this, but I do think 3 levels is probably 2 too many.  And the General Admission folks should be made aware of the limitations of their ticket.  Honestly, that’s in Disney's interest too – more of them will probably buy D23 memberships if they know how much they need them, and the ones that don’t will hopefully be less disappointed since they’re been forewarned.

       And I get that Comic-Con is a non-profit organization and Disney is not.  But having so many levels in the Disneyfied caste system leaves many people with either a bitter taste and/or an empty wallet.  I heard from numerous sources that at more than one panel the Sorcerer and Premiere ticketholders were booed as they were escorted to their seats.  I don’t condone that behavior, of course – personally I think paying $1,000 for guaranteed seats to panels of mixed quality along with some limited edition merchandise is its own punishment – but that’s the “let them eat cake” environment Disney is creating.  That can't be very beneficial to the Disney brand.

That said, I will also give mad props to the reams of dedicated Disney employees that I met at the Expo.  They  are talented, hardworking people who want to do the best job they can in whatever field they’re in, be it Imagineering, Animation, Hospitality, Archives, etc.  Having the chance to meet them and share in their magic was something really special that made me appreciate the things I love most about Disney (Parks & Pixar) that much more.